I have been neglecting this blog again. I doubt anyone besides my mom has noticed. Still, I figured it’s about time I get into the rhythm of things again.
I’ll be redesigning the website at some point, and there’s not much point in doing that without new content.
So what have I been up to? A lot.
I have tried an assortment of chocolate-flavored teas over the years and trust me when I say they never came close to the real thing. Most reminded me of those sugar-free chocolates that have the consistency of chewing gum.
Now I’ve discovered the secret to low-calorie chocolate awesome–brewing cocoa nibs.
I don’t know how it never occurred to me to just brew the nibs straight. Humans have discovered all manner of tasty drinks by steeping plant pieces in hot water. It really should be no surprise that cocoa nibs make a smashing tea.
This chocolate tea is good, angels sing as hot water hits the nibs. Your tongue does the samba in anticipation of the glorious taste party that is about to happen. All the other chocolate teas in the world look on with jealousy and realize they have lost the battle of style vs. substance and even their fancy filigreed packaging can’t save them now.
It’s either nibs or go home. All other chocolate teasers are just fakers.
Okay. Done now. I promise.
I’m so glad one of my coworkers shared her nibs with me. Now I can squash my chocolate cravings with tea.
One side note: This is NOT a caffeine free tea. Steer clear of this tea if caffeine is a migraine trigger or otherwise makes living in your own body unpleasant…
Dear Customer,
We at Local Business Inc. appreciate receiving the feedback you have so graciously shared with several of our cashiers, the shift manager, and the delightful homeless veteran who plays the banjo across the street from our establishment. We have also enjoyed receiving your emails and Facebook posts. They are a daily dose of joy for all of our staff.
We understand you’re a working American with a 9 to 5 job, and that you cannot frequent our establishment as much as you would like because we close our doors promptly at 6:00 PM on weekdays and traffic just sucks. We are sorry these hours inconvenience you, and we know how enthusiastic you are to patronize our business. So we have put together some suggested steps you could take to assist us in keeping our doors open late like the Walmarts and the Targets.
I just turned thirty. I’m single, female, and have no kids. A generation ago, folks would have slapped me with the “old maid” label and made tart comments about how empty my house must feel without a husband and children crammed into it.
But I live in a time when I can tell anyone who tries that bullshit to stuff it right back in the hole it came out of. The only “Old Maid” I intend to associate myself with is the card game.
My cat Zura has dedicated her life to three things: Sleeping, eating, and hating on my other cat, Disco. But the third thing is a total act. As much as she acts like she despises him, I know in her heart, beneath all that thick, orange, floofy fur, is a kernel of affection for him. They sleep together and, when Zura is feeling particularly generous, she gives him a bath.
If that’s not cat love, I don’t know what is.
Over the past few weeks, I have been largely absent from the world because I have achieved a new level of busy. Some of it was my doing. Some of it was life pummeling me with lemons faster than I can make lemonade.
I’m not even that big of a lemonade fan.
I went to Capclave last weekend and one of the items for sale in the Silent Auction was an inflatable unicorn horn for cats. This item is one that could only come from the dastardly minds of Archie McPhee, the same folks who brought you cocktail squids, yodeling bacon, and the avenging unicorn playset.
So after giving two bucks to charity, I became the proud owner of the latest and greatest cat torture device. As you can see by the pictures below, it was well worth the money. Or at least I thought is was. Disco and Zura had different opinions.
All my life I have rebelled against life organizing tools. Whether it was the assignment books they gave us in school or the pocket calendar my parents would not-so-subtly give me for Christmas every year, I wanted nothing to do with organizing tools. For me, the time it took to write out to-do lists was time away from writing or something much more important. Besides, I was really good at storing it all in my head.
Until I wasn’t.
