Tag Archive for Health Stuff

Dear Customer, You Can Help Us Stay Open Late


Dear Customer,

We at Local Business Inc. appreciate receiving the feedback you have so graciously shared with several of our cashiers, the shift manager, and the delightful homeless veteran who plays the banjo across the street from our establishment. We have also enjoyed receiving your emails and Facebook posts. They are a daily dose of joy for all of our staff.

We understand you’re a working American with a 9 to 5 job, and that you cannot frequent our establishment as much as you would like because we close our doors promptly at 6:00 PM on weekdays and traffic just sucks. We are sorry these hours inconvenience you, and we know how enthusiastic you are to patronize our business. So we have put together some suggested steps you could take to assist us in keeping our doors open late like the Walmarts and the Targets.

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Treadmill Desk Upgrade

Remember the treadmill desk I built? I’m actually using it. Not as much as I should be maybe, but it’s not collecting dust.

I’m using it enough that I decided to treat myself to an upgrade. Behold! The desk is now equipped with a widescreen monitor!

photo 1


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My Adverse Relationship With Coffee

IckThat face. That’s me discovering my trail mix contained chocolate-covered espresso beans. Said trail mix was unceremoniously launched into the trash.

Me and coffee don’t get along. I resent coffee for smelling so delicious yet tasting so unbearably bad. Coffee smells like heaven in a cup, but tastes like someone roasted chalk over a fire. And YES, I have tasted chalk through a childhood dare. I can say unequivocally that it’s a horrible way to get more minerals in your diet.

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My New Chiropractor Is A Step Ladder

If you have back pain, then you know what it’s like to have a spine that feels like a collapsed accordion no one can pull apart. Even the Hulk.

Yoga and exercise tend to loosen things up, but for many people, those approaches alone aren’t quite enough to unhitch those vertebra and relieve the pain. These folks are the vulnerable ones, the ones who are so desperate, something like this begins to look like fun.

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